Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
