Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
