Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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