Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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