I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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