My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
