Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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