Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
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We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
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Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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