This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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