Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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