wat bout pragnant strippers??
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
