the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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