I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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