dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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