Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
