forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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