So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
