I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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