I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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