After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
