I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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