She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
The air taste purple.
Randomize
