Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
