meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
