so let's talk penis.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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