Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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