i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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