Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize