So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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