I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
