Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
