I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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