why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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