His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
