Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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