what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
