Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
