White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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