You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
