no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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