i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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