ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Sacagawea was the original milf.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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