I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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