he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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