I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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