I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
