i wish there were pregnant emoticons
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
