I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Randomize
