Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
