There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
