Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
My ATM looks so different sober.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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