'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
