this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
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