Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
