K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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