Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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