I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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