I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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