Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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