what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
