found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
