he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
