So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
