Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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