Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
