Can Purell be used as lube?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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