my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
