Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
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