I feel like abortions should bother me more
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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