Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
