ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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