Apparently you make a good broom.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
found the other keg... it's in the tree
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
