Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
